Game is too difficult (newbie)

I just started playing this with my GF, and we're having the problem that the game is too difficult vs bots. I have some experience with aoe2, but she hasn't.

We know the very basics. We could learn how to play better by watching tutorials etc but we mostly want to play for fun and not having to study the game.

I'm using the old ai, which is supposedly easier, but on moderate we always lose. On easy, we win, but it's so easy that it's not fun at all. Is there a way of having an in-between scenario? Also we tried leveling it out with bots on our team etc but doesn't work well.

And is there a way of making sure our town centers spawn close by? Most of the time they're quite far apart, and it would be nice if we could join them early on as it makes defense easier. Having a small map makes it more likely but then the enemy is right next door.

Thanks.