What AI setting should I use if I want to play builder mode?

I like playing the game as a civilization sim and build a city from scratch with the enemy AI occassionaly attacking me to keep me on my toes. I don't try to destroy the enemy and just let the game on until I get bored.

However, the AI is irritating and sends me parties to die and annoys the hell out of me because it feels like their rally point is on my town center.

If the diff is set too easy, the AI does nothing the entire game and one step higher it's a murder machine that destroys me before I get to imperial age.