My not so wholesome ladder experience

I saw some posts on here by people describing their first experiences on the ladder and thought I'd share mine.

So, I'm one of those people that have been playing AOE since forever and got back into the game when DE came out. I wouldn't call myself a noob because of this, but I'm certainly not got, like at all. The last time I played it online was when MSN Game Zone was still a thing, and stuff like BOs and half of the civs were completely new to me. But after having watched a lot of AOE streams, tournaments and pros playing throughout the year, I was determined to learn how to play it seriously. So I played a lot of matches against the AI, trying out different civs, practicing build orders and all that. I never dared to click that scary button that would queue me up with people though. The ladder anxiety was just too real for me. Then came my big day.

I vividly remember the adrenaline rush when that queue countdown started. I picked my beloved Mayans, but would I even get to Castle Age to field some Plumed Archers, my favorite unit since I was a child? Who knows who I'll be matched up with? What if- MATCH FOUND. Arena? OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. Ok. Focus. H. A. Q Q Q. "glhf", says my opponent. How nice of him. I quickly type "u2". I don't have time for this. It didn't go well, halfway through I realized I didn't know how to play this map, and when that castle appeared in front of my base I knew it was over. I managed to defend for a bit but eventually, I was obviously too far behind. Gg. My heart was pounding so fast. What a great start, even if I lost. Sadly, it all went downhill from there.

The next few games were so damn tilting. In one I was matched up with a 1200 elo player and got beaten back to AOE1, pretty much. In another one I'm 99% sure my opponent spectator cheated. And in quite a few games in between I played against incredibly toxic people that got really creative getting around that word filter. I didn't win a single time. I'm embarassed admitting it, but I was pretty sad after my last match. It's just a game, after all. But this wasn't fun. I have so many good memories playing it, my favourite game of all time, yet it felt it wasn't for me. Maybe I enjoy watching the game more than I enjoy playing it. Maybe I should just stick to single player. I felt defeated. I needed a break.

Anyway, this was a few months ago. I thought I was over the game for good (the competitive part of it at least), but since then, I've met so many awesome and incredibly helpful people. I had so much fun watching RBW3. With that, the problems the DLC slowly being fixed, and hearing the experiences of others playing ranked for the first time, I really am motivated to try again. I probably won't even play that bad if I can just get over my anxiety already. I guess it's get good or die trying from now on.

Thank you for coming to TED talk. If you're reading this and are one of those streamers that take time out of their day to do coachings or review recorded matches, or just one of those people on discord giving advice when needed: Thank you so much! Seriously. And if you're one of those people that call others f-ing noobs in-game while having three-digit elo yourself: You're a noob too and a shitty person on top of that.

(Arena though. I'll never play arena again! angry mbl noises)