Attack Only?

I'm new to AOE 3. Years ago I used to play the original.

Been playing for a week or so and had a question about tactics. I prefer to defend. I like to build up a good defense. Withstand a few attacks before venturing out eventually.

The problem is I can only win on easy level. On moderate I defend for awhile and eventually get overrun. Even with walls.

I have been watching a bunch of games on YouTube. Everyone goes attack mode and at times rush.

I hate that game style.... But I am starting to think that's likely the way to win.

An I trying to fit a square peg into a round hole?

I have also been reading that British probably aren't that great at defending ?

Appreciate any advice