Any tips for a novice AoE2 player who is struggling and somewhat slow?

Admittedly, I've not attempted ranked play yet due to being nervous as heck about it. and I have a bad habit of hopping into team games online in the hopes that I have a team that's willing to at least support. Though admittedly one problem I have often (Teammates aside, which is beyond the scope of this post.) is that when it comes time to fight, I start struggling to keep up. Bonus if my attention gets split by something, such as me trying to stop someone from laming my boar or stealing my sheep.

This is kinda what I've noticed so far in my games, both against the AI and in team games.

• My early game is ok-ish. I can keep the TC occupied and functional most of the time up to a desired 21 villager build order. However, when it comes time to advance to the Feudal Age, I keep encountering a shortage of food, and while I either attempt to save up the food or keep making villagers to maintain my eco, the AI or other players have already advanced. Often in team games, I'm the last one to advance, unless there is a particularly clueless player in the game.
• I am admittedly in the trap of being defensive. This has saved me a few times from the early rush, as half the time, very shortly after I build all the walls to block off the path to my base, I very shortly after see a few scouts or archers or militias charging at the wall and being forced to turn back because they no longer can access my base easily, and they instead start adding to the wall. I also have started taking a few seconds to double-check to be sure there are no holes in the walls and use houses to act as walls. Though this occasionally leads to a teammate trying to charge through only to see I walled the place up, and his army idles.
• I... am awful at setting up a military. Partially I suspect due to my economic skill. While I can keep up having villager production decently, often I end up so starved for resources that I struggle to field an army. And then someone comes along and breaks the walls down with a far larger army them I am able to amass, even with sufficient buildings for accelerated production of the military.
• I have a nasty habit of absentmindedly putting around 30 on wood and food, then 3 on gold and stone. Before, I used to be even worse with 30+ on wood and only 13 on food with nobody on stone or gold up until I try to age up to the Feudal Age and get hit by the gold cost and end up using the Market as a crutch by selling wood. I have gotten better, but I feel this could be better. This might be related to a bad build order.
• I often default to booming in team games... a bit too often. Most of the time, I get teammates who refuse to talk at all, but when one does show up, there is a minor chance I may get accused of playing like Sim City. I also try to rely on markets in such games. Though often I encounter teammates who neglect to build a market until I either ask or they attempt to advance and get blocked by the requirement for one.

If anybody has some constructive advice for me, that'd be fantastic. I have looked online at other tips, but unfortunately, they all say the same thing about the early game, and I keep failing to find anything further than that.